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Deck: Rider Waite Smith, The Secret Language of Color
Pull: 10 of Swords, Red
Interpretation: There's no beating around the bush. Ten of Swords is a challenging card when you're going through it, but when you're on the other side, it feels like a cool, refreshing breeze. It feels like you can breathe for the first time after being held underwater. It feels like your soul has escaped from a tiny prison into an open Alpine meadow. It feels expansive and liberating.
Whatever you're going through right now is 1) not permanent 2) allowing for a surrender in order to free yourself from pain (thanks to the Red card pull) and 3) is a definitive ending to a cycle of self-defeating thoughts that come from an overpowering (which is also an unhealthy) ego. You are not a victim, and with this admission, you are now ready to move into your true power.
This card has come across in my own life as the darkest hour before dawn, but dawn was really, really, really close by the time I was at this phase. It's as if I could feel those first hopeful rays of sunlight the actual second I decided to free myself by surrendering to the will of the Universe. This was the moment I began my personal journey of spiritual awakening.
What does that mean, exactly? In my own life, it meant taking responsibility for my life by setting a therapy appointment and taking a look at what decisions, reactions and behaviors I was contributing to my own unhappiness. It meant feeling ill at ease with a decision I'd made in haste and finally giving myself permission to do an about face, even though it meant (perceived) embarrassment or humiliation. It meant facing my past with honesty and bravery, even when I didn't love what I saw, but knew I could learn to love it. It meant hitting rock bottom multiple times in multiple ways. It meant taking the sword for not the first, not the second but for the tenth time before I could ask my higher power for help (a function of a terrified ego). It meant accepting the things I couldn't change. It meant changing the things I could not accept. It meant walking away from a company I founded, even when I knew other people would be affected. It meant offering an ultimatum and a hard boundary to others when I knew I had to protect my own values. It meant freeing myself of pain by allowing my ego to take a backseat to my heart.
Journal prompts: What lessons is this moment of surrender teaching me? How are my own thoughts causing me pain? How can I benefit from giving in or giving up on something I have been resisting? What pain am I releasing?
Final thoughts: Therapy and spiritual work has done so much for me on and off for the last 11 years. The first therapy appointment was the hardest, because it meant I had to admit that I had to take responsibility for my own emotions. But y'all, it's liberating. If you need assistance, I am happy to recommend therapies or therapists that are available to help. Thinking about your strength. Thinking about the softness inside that wants you to remember it. Thinking about the love that is overflowing inside of your heart just waiting for somewhere to go.