Love is patient. Love is kind. Love is messy.

This weekend, I had the honor of officiating my best childhood friend's wedding. As part of the ceremony, I read the much-recited passage from 1 Corinthians 13: 1-13:

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.

So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

Having been married for 21 years last month, I thought I might add a few thoughts to what Love is and isn't. Here are my additions to Paul's version:

Love is messy. Love does not give up easily. Love sits with discomfort and unease. Love is not afraid of conflict. Love does not run away when things are challenging. Love stands up for itself. Love does not fantasize about what was or what will be, for Love is present in each moment. Love forgives infinitely. Love listens without speaking or thinking of what it wants to say next. Love is deep breathing in a moment of anger. Love is a hug replacing the urge to lecture. Love is meeting someone where they are, not where you want them to be. Love is freedom and liberation. Love is secure. Love is safe. Love is blissful. Love embraces effort even when you’re tired. Love sees only innocence. Love seeks to repair, not rescue. Love encourages. Love rewards, Love accepts what is. Love is sincere. Love is not cynical. Love is infinite. Love is hearing what words go unspoken. Love heals. Love does not worry (though it does express concern). Love does not shy away from difficult truths. Love can hold boundaries and not mistake them for rejection. Love respects boundaries and does not mistake them for rejection. Love is accountable. Love is real power. Love is respectful. Love does no harm. Love shows up over and over and over again. Love is all there is, ever will be and ever was.

Perfect love, in a human body, is aspirational, but also achievable in fleeting moments if you learn to accept the hot mess of it all.